


The Ram

by FollyOfWinchester



Category: Twin Peaks
Genre: Alternate Ending, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bisexual Dale Cooper, Coming Out, Crossdressing Kink, Daydreaming, Deleted Scenes, Everything After the Hiatus Never Happened, Explicit Sexual Content, First Time Blow Jobs, Hand Jobs, Headcanon, Heavy Angst, Heteroflexible Harry Truman, Horoscopes, Jealousy, M/M, Masturbation, Mild Language, Mildly Dubious Consent, Missing Scene, Nipple Play, Office Blow Jobs, Panties, Pre-Slash, Rope Bondage, Season/Series 01 Spoilers, Season/Series 02 Spoilers, Slow Burn, Spies & Secret Agents, Strangulation, Teasing, Violence Against Pens, Wet Clothing, canon-typical weirdness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-06
Updated: 2015-03-08
Packaged: 2018-03-10 18:03:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 9,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3298997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FollyOfWinchester/pseuds/FollyOfWinchester
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Horoscopes seem to come true a whole lot more often in Twin Peaks. Harry discovers this firsthand.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Newspaper Prophecy

**Author's Note:**

> This fic has not been beta'd, so all the errors are my own. Please keep in mind that until that little green checkmark appears, I may heavily edit any chapter without notice, so if you read something and like it, please download it to be sure you have a copy.
> 
> This fic is rated explicit for chapters 5, 10, and 12.
> 
> Canon divergence begins in chapter 10.
> 
> I do not own Twin Peaks or profit monetarily from anything herein.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucy reads everyone's horoscopes. Set during s01e05 The One-Armed Man.

"He's a Taurus." Hawk shoots an amused glance at Lucy.

Harry groans. "Come on. You know full well I don't go in for this kind of stuff. Give it a rest."

"Hm, Taurus. It says here that, 'An attractive Aries will enter your life and help you through a dark time. He or she may be the love of your life,'" Lucy pauses and sighs, "'but you must be the one to take the first step.' Oh, Sheriff Truman, who is it? Your future sounds so romantic!" She supplies another soft sigh to go along with the sentiment.

Harry rolls his eyes.

Lucy stares wistfully in his direction for a moment and then lets out a tiny gasp, "Wait a minute. Isn't one of your neighbors an Aries? The one with fourteen cats? You know, she was at that picnic last year? The one near the end of April? And she told me all about her cats and she mentioned how, 'It must be a down year for Aries,' because one of her cats died. The oldest one with a white stripe down his belly. And then she got some punch, but not any cake because she was watching her figure. Do you remember that picnic? Could _she_ be the love of your life?"

Hawk smiles and nods, "Yeah Sheriff, I think Lucy's picked up a trail here."

Harry groans again, "For cripes sake, Lucy— Can you— Isn't that woman nearly 70? Can't you read someone else's horoscope? What about Hawk's?" He jerks a thumb in Hawk's direction.

"No can do, Sheriff Truman. I already read mine and Hawk's while you and Agent Cooper and _Deputy Brennan_ were working in the conference room. When you were going over the files about all the sick animals earlier? I came in and asked you if you needed more coffee and you said you needed a break. Remember? Well, there's really no reason to read them again now that we already heard them once."

Harry begins to shake his head in quiet resignation when his eyes light up, "Cooper! You haven't read his, then, right? Cooper, get on out here!"

Dale's head pokes out from the conference room door. When he sees Harry waving in his direction, he swiftly joins the group. "What can I do you for, Harry?" He smiles expectantly and tucks a file folder under his arm.

Lucy cuts in, "See, Sheriff Truman doesn't want to discuss his horoscope _even though_ he might meet the love of his life soon. You know, like his soul mate? And it's probably his neighbor who has a lot of cats, but he won't hear any of it, so we're going to read about your destiny instead. Which one is your sign, Agent Cooper?"

"Well, I never turn down a peek at what the stars have in store for me. Aries, the proud and independent ram, is my—"

Lucy's eyes get wide and she points at Dale, "Sheriff Truman!"

Harry throws his hands in the air, "Damnit, Lucy! I said give it a rest already!" He stalks off into his office and closes the door a little more forcefully than strictly necessary, although he doesn't slam it. He slumps down in his chair and mutters to himself, "It's a wonder any police work gets done around here with all the hullabaloo over superstitious nonsense. And _of course_ Coop just had to be an Aries... Lucy's gonna have a field day with this one." He rubs his face with his hand and dredges up a frustrated sigh. A series of sharp knocks on the door interrupts his wallowing. He sighs again, "Come in."

Dale pokes his head in, "Just wanted to let you know that I have some new thoughts on the case to share when you've got a minute. Of course," the corners of his eyes reveal suppressed glee, "I'll need you to take the first step—" and he can't finish his sentence as his face contorts into his characteristic sunbeam smile.

"Not you, too! Get out!" Harry shakes his fist playfully, but as Dale leaves the room, he can't help but notice that he'd blushed like a school girl hearing a reference to the newspaper prophecy out of Dale's mouth...and he doesn't want to analyze how it felt like just a little more than the embarrassment of being teased by a friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just got my hands on a copy of _Twin Peaks: An Access Guide to the Town_ and I noticed that many of the characters are profiled with their signs included. I started thinking about how fun it would be for everyone to read their horoscopes together, and then, of course, my mind went to how I could throw some Dale/Harry in there. Thus, my first Twin Peaks fic. Hope you liked it! :3


	2. Penmanship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry takes a moment to investigate a very personal case. Set during s01e07 Realization Time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is from Harry's POV.

Harry's mind scoots back across that imaginary line he's drawn in the sand for what seems like the thousandth time in an hour. He's been trying not to let his thoughts wander, but he's getting less than no real police work done and he's been staring at the same dadgum file open on his desk for three cups of coffee now.

Maybe it's best to just get on with it. Think about it, process it, and then get his ass back to work and his head back in the game. Better for everyone, most of all him.

"Alright, so I'm analyzin' already." He murmurs to himself.

 _A firm, but comforting hand on his shoulder, followed by a honk on his nose._ Pretty queer thing for a grown man to be doing to another grown man while investigating the brutal murder of a young girl. And it _should_ have been strange. Should have rubbed him the wrong way, made him feel like socking Cooper across the chin. Instead, the shoulder pat, the tweek, and especially the silly noise Copper had made after left him grinning like a goddamn idiot.

"Huh." He uncaps and recaps the pen in his hands.

 _A solid weight on his hands and a badge...and a belt buckle...in his face._ Now, boosting a fella up ain't nothing new. Quicker than rummaging for a step stool, anyway. Something about it with Cooper, though. Maybe he'd've thought nothing of it if it hadn't been for Lucy and her palm reading shenanigans, but his mind had supplied the phrase "take the first step" in Cooper's voice as he'd stepped up and certain...unnamed parts...of his anatomy had gone swinging in Harry's face.

"Sure," he mutters in spite of himself, not sure what he's even agreeing to. "That could be it," he adds with a sudden jolt of panic. "Sure, that horoscope could be it." He clears his throat. Why's he so flustered? No reason to get all hot under the collar. He sets the pen down and then picks it back up.

 _"Give yourself a present." A momentary slip of his fingers over the hand lingering on the piping hot cup of joe._ Could have been an accident. Could chalk it up to being absent minded or overeager for that first sip of Double R coffee. But he can't. It wasn't. He was so acutely aware of exactly where Copper's hand was at that moment that he... It could have been avoided. He could have waited a moment until the all clear before getting grabby with the cup handle. He could have...but he hadn't. Why―

**"Sheriff Truman?"**

Harry gasps out of his recollections and involuntarily hurls the pen across the room. He lets out a puff of breath before hitting the intercom. Looks like thinking'll have to wait. "Yeah, Lucy?"


	3. A Real Headscratcher

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry continues his investigation. Set during s02e01 May the Giant Be with You.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is from Harry's POV.

When Harry picks up thinking again, Cooper's shot, Josie's out, and the whole town's in an uproar.

"Jeez." He takes off his hat and ruffles his hair as he plops down at his desk. Before he'd been interrupted by Lucy on the intercom, immediately followed by a rifle aimed at poor Waldo, his train of thought had been dangerously close to admitting and interrogating that he purposefully touched hands with another man. But, like the giddy excitement or the spooky expectant feeling of being in close proximity with Cooper, that impulse to do _something_ was just a symptom of some larger issue. He needed to zoom out a bit and look at the big picture here.

Well, maybe he should start again.

Why was this...whatever it was he was going through with Cooper such a big deal? It's not like anything's happened. Or will happen. Ever. He's just considering an anomaly in his life; a stranger suddenly appears and he feels like he's known the guy forever. He's been in town, what, a nudge over a week, and Harry'd already take a bullet for him. Wished he had done, honestly. Him and Cooper get along without even trying. Cooper always smiles when they talk in that way that gets his whole face involved. "Brighter than the sun on a cloudless day, you could say," Harry laughs to himself. And they talk way more than a man like Harry might expect to about things that Harry never thought to think about in the first place. And they touch...probably more than he touches anyone but Josie in his day to day. 

Josie. 

Maybe that's where all this is coming from. He's fallen for this woman with dark, sleek, short hair, dark eyes, skin as smooth as silk, and stronger than she looks, but she's full of secrets and mystery and she's always leaving him guessing about where they stand. And just when he's getting worried about her and when whatever she's hiding is gonna catch up, in marches Cooper, with dark, sleek, short hair, dark eyes and those long, long lashes, skin as smooth as silk except for that little fuzz in the middle of his chest, and stronger than he looks all done up in that suit. Not to mention the tuxedo. He looked like a damn secret agent and Josie could be his Bond girl with all her elegant dresses to match.

Harry rubs his chin with his hand. _It's late. A sharp knock on the door. Harry stands and adjusts the bow tie in his tuxedo shirt, "Come in." Cooper strolls in in a black evening gown barely to the middle of his thighs. "Why don't you take the first step, Secret Agent Truman?"_ Harry slaps his hand down on his desk and blinks his eyes several times. "Holy smoke."

Maybe that bastard Albert was right for once. Thinking was a terrible idea.


	4. Intuition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dale thinks aloud about the developing situation. Set after s02e04 Laura's Secret Diary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is from Dale's POV.

Dale dusts the collar of his pajamas and straightens his sleeves before sitting neatly on the edge of the bed, picking up his portable tape recorder, and activating it.

"Diane, I'm turning in a bit late after an enjoyable evening spent with Twin Peak's own Sheriff Harry S. Truman. I have previously mentioned my preliminary hypothesis about his behavior and I can now all but confirm that he is, indeed, experiencing some degree of sexual attraction toward me, coupled with a more romantic component which probably stems from his growing trust issues with the lovely Josie Packard. However, because Harry is wrestling with his self-concept and sexual identity, and because he wishes to remain loyal to Josie, I believe he is unlikely to act on any of his desires. This is for the best, for while I do not possess his same hangups about being involved with someone of the same sex (beyond my lack of experience, that is), my track record with romantic entanglements, particularly those related to my work, is, as you know, extremely poor. A relationship with Harry would lead to nothing but heartbreak and trouble for the both of us, especially with Windom Earle's location unaccounted for at the present time. I can only hope that, should I be prompted to express these concerns to Harry, he will understand."

Dale stops the tape and sets his tape recorder on the nightstand. He sits for a moment with his hands folded in his lap, then shakes his head, "Harry, Harry, Harry. Would that I could." After another moment, he slides under the covers and turns out the light.


	5. Privates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry and Dale both enjoy a little private time to themselves after their triumphant return from One-Eyed Jack's. Set during s02e06 Demons.

When Cooper leaves to inform Ben Horne about Audrey's rescue, Harry knows he'll have some privacy. As soon as he hears the door click shut, he slides his chair further under the desk, leans back, and rubs himself through the fabric of his jeans. He feels like a horny teenager trying to hide a copy of Flesh World in a school book in case his mom barged in uninvited, but he can't help himself. Accompanying Cooper, an FBI agent no less, on a top secret mission to rescue someone from a damn sex club and nearly getting killed in the process is quite possibly the best aphrodisiac he's ever had. He undoes his belt buckle and let's out a nervous grunt as he fumbles with his fly. He's never done this before thinking about a man, but there was no question that it was definitely Cooper, not thoughts of Josie, not the danger or excitement, not the gambling-themed entourage of One-Eyed Jack's, that kept his dick hard this long. The friction as he shoves his jeans down his hips is too good and he decides to take his own advice and quit thinking so much. Just do what he wants right now and worry about what it means later. He closes his eyes.

 _Cooper slips back into the room and starts to strip, slowly revealing that he had been wearing a black negligee underneath his clothes the entire night._ Harry groans and shoves his hand down to cup himself while he strokes. _Cooper kicks off his pants and adjusts himself in a pair of lacy panties that barely cover him._ "Yeah," is all Harry can think to say as encouragement for his imagined partner as his brain loses more of its blood flow to his crotch. _After posing for a few moments so that Harry can properly take in the sights, Cooper glides wordlessly over to Harry's desk and grins. He drops to a crouch and shimmies under Harry's desk. He slides his hands up Harry's thighs and takes over for him. After a few strokes, Harry can feel Cooper's breath over the tip of his dick._ He spits into his hand and resumes stroking with both, panting against his shoulder as picks up the pace. _Cooper bobs up and down and moans around Harry's dick as he starts to get close._ The thought of it sends Harry over the edge and he's spilling all over his hands and panting Cooper's name, "Yeah, swallow it. Oh, fuck." A few last jerky thrusts and he's spent. He opens his eyes and grabs for something to clean up with. That was...real nice, no two ways about it. He hears Cooper's voice in his head asking the same question he had to Lucy, "Can you tell me exactly what you _do_ want?" He finally sees the merit in her answer.

"I don't know."

***

Dale pauses during his dictation of the evening's events to compose himself before beginning the next bit.

"Diane, despite this most recent reminder that the people I care about are always in danger, I am trying with limited success to remain neutral in the face of Harry's growing attraction to me. After our raid on One-Eyed Jack's, I do not know how much longer I will be able to maintain my facade. Waves of heat radiated from him the entire time, peaking when we were nearly shot. I felt him reaching out to me as we turned our backs on the armed goon, as if to say, 'It's okay, Coop. If I have to die, I want to die by your side.' Of all the moments for an erection, standing, about to be executed, with a young woman drugged to within an inch of her life over my shoulder... I would never have guessed."

Dale pauses again and deactivates his portable tape recorder. He reactivates it. He deactivates it. He sighs and reactivates it.

"And now that it is over and relatively sorted, I can't get...certain images out of my head. Maybe it was finding Audrey tied to that bed combined with Harry's obvious arousal die-cast by his tight gray jeans, but now every time I see him or think about him, I imagine tying him up—" Dale clears his throat. "I digress. My point is that I will need to redouble my efforts to control these thoughts. Thoughts like looping his arms and legs in bowlines around my bedposts. Securing his wrists to his ankles in a forced kneeling position. Watching him struggle against the bonds..."

Dale deactivates the tape recorder and tosses it carelessly onto the bed before heading into the bathroom.


	6. Missing Information

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dale can't shake the sense that he's missing something. Set after s02e07 Lonely Souls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is from Dale's POV.

Dale's eyes pop open and he rolls over to look at the clock on his nightstand. After flipping on the light, he reaches over for his portable tape recorder and activates it.

"Diane, it's 2:17 AM and I have once again been startled out of sleep by a dream I cannot remember. The only lingering effect of the dream, as with the previous three occurrences, is a deep sense that I am missing something, forgetting some vital piece of information. It occurs to me that whatever is keeping me from sleeping through the night tonight likely has something to do with the events at the Roadhouse. What is happening again? What was that elderly waiter so sorry about? But then, I already elaborated on these thoughts the last time I woke up, so I won't belabor the point." Dale sighs. "What I have yet to mention is the strange feeling that, somehow, my recent...private moments spent fantasizing about Harry are deeply connected to all of this. Like becoming intimate with him _is_ the missing information, a key piece of the entire puzzle here in Twin Peaks." Dale shakes his head. "However, I have reason to believe that wild theories such as that are my subconscious mind trying to rationalize away the misgivings I have about a relationship with him. I've let my sexual desires get the better of me, both mentally...and physically."

Dale rolls back over and stares up at the ceiling. He pulls the covers up near his chin. "I saw it in his eyes, though, Diane. Jealousy. When Harry walked in to find me chatting semi-privately with Audrey about her father's underhanded behavior, his eyes narrowed for a split second and he inserted himself like a barrier between us. He was jealous. There was also something unguarded about it. I can't be sure as he made no attempt to discuss it, but I think that something has happened with Josie. The wall he had firmly in place concerning his loyalty to her seems to have crumbled, or at the very least been damaged by some recent psychological harm." Dale pauses for a moment. "And there is yet another peculiarity. As a man who has recently masturbated to thoughts of someone when I should not have done so, I think I recognize the same mixture of embarrassment and excitement hiding behind Harry's eyes when we speak to one another. Perhaps the miasma of his sexuality crisis is starting to lift. My reconstruction of the events as they likely unfolded is as follows: he first acted upon whatever sexual frustration he was feeling after our visit to One-Eyed Jack's, was then dealt a significant emotional wound by Josie, which further eroded his trust in her, and subsequently reevaluated his stance on pursuing a relationship with me such that he is now toying with the concept of exactly how and when he might proposition me for sex, resulting in his jealousy when faced with my close proximity to Audrey at the station." Dale huffs out a breath. "Diane, I simply have no idea what I am going to do about any of this. Only one thing is certain, dwelling on Harry in the middle of the night will get me no closer to solving this murder. Here's hoping I don't have anything else to report until the sun rises." Dale deactivates his tape recorder and sets it back on the nightstand before flipping off the light.

As he settles back into the mattress, he hears an owl hoot just outside his window.


	7. Whelp

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry reopens the case. Set after s02e10 Dispute Between Brothers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is from Harry's POV.

Harry runs his thumb softly against the curve of Josie's neck and shoulder while she rests against him. He looks down at her face where her cheek meets the bare skin of his chest. Everything's turned around on him. How did all of it happen before the sun could even come up twice? He hears Cooper's voice in his head, "Can you tell me exactly what you _do_ want?" Start of the day, he wanted, no, he _needed_ Cooper to leave. Cooper getting ready to head off on another adventure had given him a deadline. Just keep it together until Cooper's gone and then get back to the uncomplicated, albeit lonely, life of a bachelor. No more necessity to figure out what getting off to thoughts of Cooper meant. No more temptation to pay Cooper a visit in his hotel room and... Well, anyway, then suddenly Cooper wasn't leaving anymore. Of course, not the best circumstances what with all the allegations and the DEA coming in and whatnot. Harry's not into wishing ill on others for his benefit, but he was sorta...happy to hear it. And proud to be able to stand up for Cooper, stand by his side for a little while longer. Cooper's the finest lawman this town has ever seen. He'll be exonerated, no doubt about it. After that whole thing, Cooper was pretty shaken up and Harry wanted... Well, he wanted Cooper to stay, and he wanted to figure out exactly what he was feeling instead of bottlin' it up. No use in that, he'd decided, since it'd just come spilling out at some point sooner or later. It had already been torture trying to last out the case without spilling the beans. For heaven's sake, a guy like Cooper has to smell that something's up. Like Hawk always says, Harry's terrible at keeping secrets, and who knows what all kinds of signals he's been sending off. Stuff like that weird garbage he started spouting, trying to make his goodbyes with Cooper count. Fish sex? Come on. Harry winces at all the egg Cooper probably saw on his face. Heck, maybe Cooper can read minds for all he knows. With his super-senses, if Cooper was interested, he'd've dropped a hint by now. And a whole lot more smoothly than _fish sex_ , that's for sure. Or maybe he was waiting, too. Waiting to get out of town and forget about it like Harry.

Harry runs his tongue along the back of his teeth as he thinks. Whatever "it" is, Harry's cooled to it a fair amount. Alright, so he's got it for Cooper. It's not like he's pitching a tent for every Tom, Dick, and Harry walking down the street. It's just Cooper. And that doesn't make him wrong or delusional or crazy, it just makes Cooper special.

Harry looks down at Josie again. She's special, too. As soon as she fell back into his arms, everything changed again. Now he's sitting here, in the dark, still sweaty and sticky from their romp between the sheets, and the answer to what he wants seems farther away than ever. On the one hand, he wants to wrap Josie up in a quilt, sit with her by the fire, and never let her go until he's in the ground. On the other hand, he wants to walk right up to Cooper, shove him through the door to his office, and lock lips before either of them can talk any sense. He thumps his head gently against the bed frame.

Josie murmurs against his chest and snuggles up to him a little closer. He squeezes her tighter for a moment. "Sorry, Jo. I should quit thinking so hard," he soothes into her hair.

But he can't help thinking too hard when it's Cooper and he's always left with that niggling feeling in the pit of his stomach. Like when he saw Cooper chatting with Audrey and he'd nearly grabbed him by the collar and kissed him to show her what's what. Like Cooper is out of bounds for everyone but him and he just has to do something. Just has to take that first step and it'll all fall into place. The hypocrisy's not lost on him, though. He's got no business feeling jealous and put out about Cooper and Audrey when he's laying in bed with Josie. Hell, for a second there he thought Josie _was_ Cooper and his heart had damn near stopped. _Cooper, all strung out from being stripped of his badge and his gun, coming to Harry for comfort in the middle of the night._ He hums. God, what if it had been Cooper at the window? What would he have done if it had been Cooper collapsing helplessly onto his bedroom rug instead of Josie? He closes his eyes in spite of himself.

 _Harry kneels over Cooper as his eyes flutter open and focus. He smiles and runs a guileless hand down Harry's chest. He smells like he ransacked a liquor cabinet and his words come out slurred together, but with no less excitement than usual. "Somehow, I knew you'd wear red flannel long johns to bed." Harry laughs as he offers Cooper a hand and helps him stumble over to sit on the bed. "Whoa, easy there. Let's get you sorted," he starts to loosen Cooper's tie and then slides his suit jacket off his shoulders. Cooper clumsily reaches one hand up to the back of Harry's neck and pulls him in close. He forcefully whispers against Harry's cheek, "Harry, you are the embodiment of everything that is so great about Twin Peaks." Harry shudders slightly as he feels Cooper's hot breath on his skin in conjunction with his trying to unfasten Cooper's belt. He pulls back a little to get a better look at what his hands are doing, but Coop pulls him back in, "No, don't leave. Don't make me leave. I don't want to leave, Harry." Cooper nuzzles against Harry's cheek and neck until Harry feels him plant several soft kisses along the underside of his jaw. He can't help but groan and let the weight of Cooper's embrace topple them both over onto the bed. He grabs Cooper's jaw and crushes their lips together. Cooper responds by moaning and deepening the kiss before breaking away and nearly giggling, "Is this a dream, Harry?" He's so drunk._ Harry opens his eyes.

Whelp, now he's really in the weeds, because he knows exactly what he'd do if it had been Cooper, plastered and upset tumbling into his bedroom. He'd've taken care of him. Undressed him 'til he'd be comfortable sleeping and tucked him in and then gone and slept on the couch. Cooper wasn't just part of some lusty fantasy that sounds so right and so wrong at the same time. Of course, that was part of it, but there was a whole lot more lurking behind his eyes when it came to Cooper. And the clincher is he'd do the same, has done the same, for Josie, and he _loves_ Josie.

Yep. Deep, deep in the weeds. "Man oh man."

Josie's eyes open a crack and she looks up at him. "Harry?"

Damnit. If Josie would just come clean about everything, maybe that'd clear the air and cool his jets on Cooper. He just needs to know that he can trust her. He'll ask her tomorrow. An ultimatum or they're through. Yeah. "Sorry again. Come on, let's get cleaned up and then get you some shut eye."


	8. White Tulips

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dale realizes he's in too deep. Set after s02e11 Masked Ball.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is from Dale's POV.

After rinsing the hair gel off his hands and drying them, Dale picks up his portable tape recorder, activates it, and continues his dictation.

"Diane, I find myself feeling badly about my behavior last night. Not because of what I did, mind you, but because of why, specifically, I did it. The look on Harry's face, his general demeanor..." Dale sighs. "I should not be frustrated by another person's satisfaction, but knowing that he had once again patched things up with Josie left me without my usual social faculties intact. Sharing a dance with the indomitable Audrey Horne likely made her night, as I had hoped it would, but to underscore her childlike joy with my own purposes of igniting the jealousy I'd seen burning in Harry's eyes previously, well..." Dale looks at himself in the mirror, "I almost don't recognize myself this morning." He stares back out into the room at the cassette tape laying on the table next to the telephone, "If nothing else, Windom Earle's recent correspondence gives me a stellar reason to let sleeping dogs lie in concerns with Harry. Unfortunately, I think I may be too far down the rabbit hole at this point to easily climb back out." Dale shakes his head and murmurs, "I really have made a mess of all this, haven't I?"

His face brightens suddenly, "You know, Diane, I had a dream last night that I had forgotten until this very moment. In it, the old waiter, normally seen puttering around the hallways of this very hotel, was standing flanked by a bull and a ram in a field of what I believe to have been tulips. He looked at me and said, 'Dark times ahead. Better drink your milk soon or it'll go to waste.' Then he began shaking his head and walked off into the endless rows of flowers behind him. Diane, do you remember when I told you about Lucy Moran reading horoscopes at the sheriff's station a few weeks ago? Well, Harry is a Taurus and I am an Aries; bull and ram. And there was a line from Harry's forecast, something about needing help through a dark time." Dale furrows his brow, "Diane, I can't be sure, but...I think Bob is still out there. And I have a sinking suspicion that Josie may be his next target."


	9. Independent Consultant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dale and Harry both discuss their situations with Denise. Set during s02e13 Checkmate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter might be a little out of character, especially for Harry, but I just love Denise so much! Fight me.

As preparations are being made for the sting operation set for later in the day, Dale pulls Denise aside for a moment. "Denise, you've been very open with me, and it occurs to me that I could return the favor and potentially get something off my chest in the process. Can I confide something to you?"

Denise rests a reassuring hand on Dale's arm, "Why, of course you can, Coop. What's on your mind?"

They walk into an unoccupied room and Dale gently closes the door behind them before beginning, "We share a similar experience of uncovering something previously hidden about ourselves during our undercover work. A few months before we met, I worked a case during which I was required to frequent a gay bar. After one particularly arousing evening spent dancing in a revealing leather ensemble with other scantily clad men, I realized that I am, in fact, sexually attracted to both women and men." Dale pauses and waits for a reaction.

Denise quirks an eyebrow, "Wow, Coop, never would have pegged you for that kind of thing. I'm guessing from the look on your face that you haven't told much of anyone, hm?"

Dale nods and attempts to smooth the apprehension out of his expression, "Beyond you and Diane, I don't think anyone knows. It hasn't really come up until now."

"What do you mean? You mean because you thought I was attracted to men? Coop, I'm flattered, but—"

"No, no, I mean because there is someone I've met recently whom I believe to be interested in me, but he's currently involved with someone else. And I return his interest, but my track record with romantic relationships leaves me reluctant to initiate anything, even if he were available. Don't feel compelled to offer a solution. I don't know that there is one. It's just nice to talk to someone about it. Like you said earlier, I want to talk about it. I just don't have many outlets for this sort of...sensitive information."

Denise smiles and pats Dale on the arm. "Well, I'm always up for a little girl talk and I love juicy gossip as much as the next DEA agent. Feel free to drop me a line after this investigation is over if you ever need a sympathetic ear."

Dale looks relieved and grins, "Thanks, Denise." 

Dale turns to open the door and Denise grabs his wrist to stop him, "And Coop, just a little advice because I think it's important, if you decide based on a couple bad experiences to just stop having experiences altogether, you don't leave a lot of room for things to get better. I say if the opportunity presents itself with whoever your mystery man is, go for it. Otherwise, you'll always kick yourself for missing your chance."

Dale looks like he's about to spout a rebuttal, but then he narrows his eyes and gives a resolute nod, "Okay." He gives Denise a thumbs up.

Denise winks at him, "Go get 'em, tiger!"

***

Denise stands fixing herself a cup of coffee when Harry walks stiffly over to her with his hands in his pockets, "Hey."

"Hey." Denise continues mixing her coffee.

Harry scratches his head, "Denise. Can I, can I ask you a pretty personal question?"

Denise looks up from her coffee, surprised at the request, "Well, I don't see why not. Sure, Sheriff. Shoot."

Harry stares at her for a beat and then tries to slowly start a series of questions, "Uh, so, say you want, say there's this, you've thought about a particular, uh, you know, there's underwear and then there's _underwear_ and it's, well, someone with your experience, what I mean to say is..." 

Denise motions for him to get on with it.

He finally blurts out a complete sentence, "How do I ask someone to wear something a little different in the bedroom? If you catch my drift."

"Like what kind of different?"

Harry's cheeks are a bit more pink than when he first walked over to the coffee station, "Well, I dunno. Something a little more, uh, exciting, I guess. Maybe some...silk panties or..."

Denise smirks and crosses her arms, "Girl trouble, Sheriff?"

"Well, you could say that, yeah."

"Have you tried just asking her in the first place? Doesn't seem like you want anything too out of the ordinary."

"You'd be surprised," Harry mutters half to himself.

Denise shrugs, "Oh, I'm sure most any woman would be willing to wear a pair of silk panties for you if you asked her." She turns back to her coffee, "Well, this has been quite a day for me and giving advice to lovesick lawmen. I should add counseling services to my bill for this investigation." She takes a tentative sip from her cup, "Speaking of which, did Coop tell you I was accepting personal questions? I just had a conversation with him a few minutes ago." She looks up briefly and then does a double take at the thoroughly mortified expression on Harry's face.

Harry lets out a nervous gurgle and then stammers out, "What? No, no, he didn't...but what, what did you two talk about?"

 _Oh, I see._ Denise lets a coy expression take over her face and puts her hands on her hips. "Why, Sheriff, I do believe the topic was broached assuming it would be kept confidential, and a girl never tells. But I can tell him that you and I talked, if you want. About panties. And wearing them. I think your boyfriend'll get the message." Denise winks at him.

"No, that's not, we're not, absolutely not! Do not tell Coop or anyone else about this! Nevermind! Forget I said anything." Harry finishes the process of turning beet red and rushes off down the hallway to his office.

Denise just smiles and shakes her head. She finishes mixing her coffee and then mutters under her breath, "The town sheriff? Really, Coop? Good thing they didn't press charges for fraternizing with local law enforcement instead."

***

After returning from her trip to the hotel and revealing her wardrobe change to the boys in Harry's office, Denise motions for Dale to join her in the hallway. Once they are out of earshot, she slips Dale a plain white envelope and motions for him to keep it hidden.

"What is this?" Dale searches her face expectantly.

Denise leans in and whispers, "Just a little something to help with your situation. Don't worry, they're new, never worn. I just hope they fit." Denise looks down at Dale's hips, then back up to his face, "Anyway, something tells me your mystery man will appreciate them."

Dale peeks inside the envelope and is greeted by a neatly folded pair of lace panties. He quickly flips the tab back down and crams the envelope into his shirt pocket. He stares wide-eyed up at her, "Denise?"

Denise pats him on the base of his neck, "Don't mention it! I can always buy another pair. You just have to promise to tell me if he likes them when he sees them." She nods toward the door to Harry's office.

Dale peers at the door like a deer in the headlights and then back at Denise. His Adam's apple bobs once with an audible gulp as he swallows. He opens his mouth to speak but Denise pushes her finger against his lips, "Nope, not another word. We've got a fake drug deal to get to." She shoves him gently back toward the door to Harry's office and chuckles to herself before following after him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you were wondering, here are the panties I had in mind as the contents of the envelope: [xoxo](http://richmedia.channeladvisor.com/ImageDelivery/imageService?profileId=52000738&itemID=750023Z&recipeName=7)


	10. Walk With Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dale and Harry cope with tragedy. Set after s02e16 The Condemned Woman.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is from Dale's POV for the most part and contains canon-divergent material.
> 
> I listened to this [Pandora station](http://www.pandora.com/station/play/1903154739861384263) while writing this chapter.

Dale's mind is screaming and wailing without pause in the hours after Josie's death. He winces involuntarily at the thoughts that no one else can hear, but cut him to the very core. He hadn't solved anything. He hadn't _stopped_ anything. Bob had taken Josie just like he took Laura and Maddy and countless others, known and unknown, since the indeterminable moment when he came into being. Maybe Bob was not just an evil presence, but _his_ evil presence, the darkness that had followed him since childhood. Maybe Bob had taken his mother. Maybe Bob had destroyed the man named Windom Earle, possessed him, replaced him, turned him against his own wife, made him into the monster that is now stalking and circling Dale closer with each passing moment. Maybe everything that has happened is somehow his fault, his burden to bear as the oblivious locus of Bob's existence. He grips the sides of his head in an effort to still the tide of guilt and pain that washes over him. A light tap on the shoulder breaks through his raging psyche for a moment.

"Agent Cooper?"

Dale looks up to find Andy, brow furrowed in heartfelt concern. Andy cautiously moves a jelly doughnut toward him like he is trying to feed a lion at the zoo. Dale thanks him, but waves away the sugary treat as he's not sure his stomach could handle it at the present moment.

"Agent Cooper, do you know where he is?"

Dale pinches the bridge of his nose and tries to focus, "Who, Andy?"

"Sheriff Truman. He's not in his office and he's not in any of the other rooms in the station. We thought he might be in the conference room with you, but I can see for myself he's not in here. I was supposed to keep an eye on him, but I had to take a trip to the restroom and—"

Dale stands bolt upright and holds up his hand for silence, sending Andy stumbling backwards in surprise and the doughnut rolling away under the table. If there is anything he learned from his own experiences with grief, it's that Harry should not be left unsupervised. Agonizing over the past will have to wait. "Andy, we have to find him. He shouldn't be alone. There's no telling what he's capable of right now." Andy nods and follows Dale out into the lobby. 

As they walk by, Hawk steps out of Harry's office and runs his index finger down his temple, "He must have gone out the back. The windows in his office are all closed." 

Dale motions Lucy over to join them, "Lucy, did you see Harry leave?"

"No, not through the front doors, anyway. And it's hard for me to see his office door from my desk because of the wall, so unless I was watching specifically I might not have seen him if he left his office and walked down the hallway at the just the right angle. Like this." Lucy walks from Harry's office door down the hallway while remaining close to the wall. She looks back over her shoulder and purses her lips.

Cooper nods and motions her back over, "Okay, we have to act fast. We'll need to split up to cover more ground. Hawk, check Harry's home and the surrounding area. If you find anything, follow up on it immediately rather than waiting for backup. Andy, check the places in town where Harry might think to buy and drink alcohol, like the Roadhouse. Lucy, wait here in case he returns and radio everyone as soon as you hear any kind of update on his location. I'll take the Bookhouse and the woods around it. Let's all rendezvous back here in exactly two hours."

***

Dale makes his way to the Bookhouse after parking his vehicle a few yards away so as not to alert Harry to his presence if he's inside. As he sneaks into the woods to scope out the place unseen, he activates his portable tape recorder and whispers a dictation, "Why did I believe him, Diane? He just seemed so levelheaded about Josie's death once we'd moved the body. Doc Hayward had patted him on the back and suggested that Hawk and I drive him home to get some rest, but he shook his head and said he'd feel more comfortable sitting in his office where he wouldn't be reminded so much of Josie. It made sense to me at the time, but now I see that he chose the station because it would be easier to slip away from us there. I should have been watching him, Diane. I shouldn't have left it to Andy and Hawk, but I... I just see my own failure to stop Bob reflected back at me in the look on his face. I should have told him about my fears for Josie instead of furtively keeping them to myself. Maybe we could have prevented all of this if I had led this investigation with my head instead of my heart..." He reaches a location where he has a clear shot into the interior of the Bookhouse through a crack in the curtains and, sure enough, Harry is inside, alone and clutching a bottle of what appears to be whisky from a distance. "There he is, Diane. Wish me luck." He deactivates his tape recorder and slips it back into his pocket.

After a few moments of observation, Dale stays low and creeps over to the side door. The Bookhouse is too small for a proper surprise entrance as Harry will be able to see him enter from any location inside, and the front door enters into a hallway-like room full of books separate from the main room. The side door leaves him with the most space to maneuver once his presence is revealed. He flattens his back against the exterior wall next to the door and slides into a crouched position, but doesn't draw his gun. Hopefully, Harry will be able to see reason and come back to the station without the threat of violence. This time Dale will stay with him instead of cowering in the conference room. With a resolute nod, he flings open the door and swings himself around to occupy the threshold, "Harry!"

Harry whirls his head around and drops the bottle of whisky in surprise. It shatters to pieces against the floor and distracts Dale for a fraction of a second, long enough for Harry to be well on his way to throttling him. Harry half-howls, half-bellows, "Coop, get the HELL OUT OF HERE!"

Looks like non-violence is off the table. Just as Harry reaches him, Dale skillfully catches him by the belt and puts a hand on his chest, tossing him against a bookcase with the leverage as he rises from his crouched position. Harry is thrown off balance and wobbles in place for a moment, clutching at his forehead with one hand and bracing against a wall with the other. Dale takes the opportunity to try and diffuse the situation, "Harry, you shouldn't be alone right now. You had to know we would come looking for you here, so I imagine at least some part of you agrees with me."

Harry recovers and lunges at Dale, "What did you do to her?! Did you use your mind on her?! DID YOU KILL JOSIE?!"

Dale steps to the side, which sends Harry reeling by him without a solid object to grapple, but Harry's biting words leave him stunned, "Harry, how could...how could you think that? I didn't kill Josie. I, I think it may have been Bob. I think he used her fear to—"

"Bob?! BOB?! Bob, Mike, the Giant, your dreams, your visions! I'm SICK OF IT, you hear me! YOU DID THIS! You were RIGHT THERE in the room with her! WHO ELSE COULD IT HAVE BEEN?! YOU DID THIS TO ME!" Harry lunges at him again and this time Dale's not ready, still caught up in processing the exchange. Harry catches him around the neck and looks him right in the eyes, "Before you got here, everything was fine," he squeezes Dale's neck and Dale tugs at his wrists in pain, "Then you came and cast your spell on me and this whole damn town, and all the darkness hiding in the woods that the Bookhouse Boys worked so hard to keep at bay came flooding down on all of us like a fucking TORRENTIAL RAINSTORM!" Just then, the fire sprinklers in the Bookhouse start spraying full blast, drenching them in seconds.

Tears of exertion mingled with frustration and sorrow sting Dale's eyes as he wriggles against Harry's grip in the downpour. Harry is right. He coughs and gasps out, "Harry...I'm...sorry," before sweeping one of Harry's legs out from under him and sending them both tumbling with a wet thump onto the floor. With Harry's grip on his neck gone, Dale scrambles to his knees and heaves in several ragged breaths. Maybe he deserves to die. Maybe he should have let Harry strangle him to death just then. He chokes out a sob, "You're right, Harry. I don't know how, but all of this is my fault. First Caroline, now you, I...I can't protect the people I care about," he stands up, shuts his eyes, and spreads his arms out wide, "Go ahead, do what you have to do," he draws in a shaky breath, "end my suffering."

Dale hears the splashes as Harry runs toward him. Harry tackles him into the booth bench behind them and he feels a hand at his throat again. Dale makes no effort to break Harry's grip this time and just squeezes his eyes shut even more tightly in anticipation for the slow process of death by suffocation. The pressure on Dale's neck lets up and Harry's hand moves back into the soaked hair at the nape of his neck, pulling him into a ferocious kiss. As if someone flipped a switch, the fire sprinklers suddenly sputter and then slow to a trickle. In the abrupt silence, Harry's soft moans are deafening as his lips move passionately around Dale's chin and jawline. Dale opens his eyes just in time to watch Harry freeze and disappear. A bright light shines across the room from his seat on the booth bench. The old butler appears holding a serving tray with an empty glass on top. He winks at Dale and gives him a thumbs up before slowly phasing out of sight again. Harry's weight returns on top of Dale's thighs and once he is fully back in view he continues lavishing attention on Dale's jaw and neck as though nothing untoward had happened. The difference in circumstances is so drastic and out of the blue that it takes Dale's brain a moment to catalog and respond. He shifts his gaze to find Harry's dark eyes, hooded and reckless with arousal, staring back at him. Once he processes that he's no longer about to die, and, in fact, finally in Harry's arms after weeks of want, he doesn't hold back. He grabs Harry's jaw, roughly yanks his face into the proper position, and enthusiastically reciprocates. Harry groans and starts to grind against him before kissing a trail back down his neck. The sensation as Harry drags his lips along the areas he'd only moments earlier been crushing into oblivion prompts Dale to grab Harry's hips and buck up against him where their pelvises meet. He feels Harry growl against his skin and suck at the place just above his collar bone hard enough that it will almost surely leave a mark. He moans into the damp curls tickling his cheek, "Yes, Harry!"

He can't believe this is happening. He'd yearned for this feeling for so long. No fear of death. No fear of being discovered by a jilted lover. No fear that he would never find love again after Caroline. No fear of being alone forever. Just the feeling of having affection poured over his cursed, pathetic form by someone he truly cares for and offering comfort in return. This was it. This was the dark time. This was what he'd been missing, what the messages in his dreams had meant. His vision of the butler left no doubt in his mind. He and Harry were fixing each other, mending all the hurt each of them had been carrying like a knapsack through life. He rides the feeling and lets it warm him completely as Harry finishes his work on Dale's neck and goes about unbuttoning his shirt.

"You look so damn good with your hair hanging in your face like that," Harry comments as he rucks Dale's shirt tails out of the waistline of his pants. His face grows somber, "I didn't mean it just now, that stuff I said about Josie and you coming here. I knew she was in trouble and I know you've done nothing but good since you rode into town. I didn't mean to..." he runs his fingers over Dale's neck, "Was like somebody else was in the driver's seat and I was just a passenger." He pauses and spreads a warm hand across Dale's exposed chest, "I gotta tell ya, I'm not a hundred percent on whether I'm awake or if I'm dreaming right now, but I want this. I want you, Coop."

Dale smiles and shrugs off his soggy shirt, "Harry, under the circumstances, I think you can call me Dale."

He reaches up to start unbuttoning Harry's overshirt, but Harry hauls it and his t-shirt off over his head and flings them across the room. "Alright, Dale," he grins before pulling Dale against him by the neck and plunging his tongue down his throat. The sudden heat of Harry's bare chest against his own sends a shudder down his spine. He runs his hands along the musculature of Harry's back, desperate to touch as much of him as possible. Harry breaks the kiss and leans his forehead against Dale's, panting out hot breath. He unbuckles his belt and unzips his fly so that he can shove his pants down as far as his straddled position over Dale allows. As soon as his cock is free, he gives it a few quick strokes and then reaches for Dale's belt, "Hope you know what you're doing, 'cause I'm a little out of my depth here."

Dale smiles. It's the blind leading the blind, so he just plows ahead on instinct. He bats Harry's hands away to give him space to work. He wraps one arm around Harry's back and laves his tongue across one of Harry's nipples before switching to the other. Harry moans out his name and ruts against him, reminding him that there is something he should be doing with his other hand. He curls his fingers around Harry's length and lets him thrust into his fist as he continues his attention to Harry's chest. As Harry starts to get close, he strokes in time with Harry's grinding movements and then pinches Harry's hardened nipple between his teeth. Harry gives a guttural growl as he spills into Dale's hand.

Watching Harry's seed drip down his chest is too much to handle and he shimmies his pants down his hips so that he can take himself in hand, "God, Harry, you look so amazing." Harry stares blissfully down at him for a moment as he zips up his pants, but stops suddenly and stares wide-eyed back at Dale.

Dale pauses mid-stroke, concerned that seeing his erection is putting Harry off, "Harry? Is this too much? I know this is all new..."

Harry wordlessly stands up and starts to peel back Dale's soaked cargo pants to reveal the lace panties Denise had given him a few days earlier. They had turned out to be quite comfortable and he'd almost forgotten he was wearing them in the commotion of the preceding 24 hours, but as Harry throws Dale's pants into a pile at his ankles he's eminently thankful that he'd gotten up the courage to try them on.

Harry groans, "Jesus, Dale, what are you trying to do to me?" and stoops down between Dale's knees to nuzzle and lick him through the fabric of the panties. The tip of Harry's nose tickles the base of Dale's cock as he works his tongue over all of his most sensitive areas. He moans out Harry's name and starts to stroke himself again, but Harry is quick to stop him by catching his wrist and shaking his head. He continues to tease his tongue along the fabric of the panties and skims his fingers along the skin of Dale's hips, following the line of the lace to the coarse hair framing his aching hardness. Dale sighs and whines at the sensations until he is practically begging Harry to touch him properly, "Harry, I can't stand it. Please!"

Harry pulls away and hesitates for a moment, "Uh, now, I've never...well, you know, just, but I want to do this."

Dale is about to offer words of encouragement when Harry wraps his lips around the head of Dale's cock. The words on the tip of his tongue transform into a moan of pleasure at the wet-hot suction of Harry's mouth and his hands shoot instinctively into the damp matted curls bobbing up and down between his legs. Once Harry establishes a rhythm, he continues the feather-light touches with the tips of his fingers along Dale's hips and waist. Dale can feel himself screaming Harry's name at what should be an embarrassingly loud volume, but he can't help it when all he can feel is heat and pressure and the chills of satisfaction running through his body and it's Harry, for crying out loud! Harry is doing this for him and he is finally, finally not alone anymore. He can feel his orgasm closing in and as his cock starts to throb Harry groans around him and picks up the pace. Once he's there, Harry pops off and closes his eyes as Dale's release splatters onto his cheek and chin.

Harry opens his eyes and stares up at Dale, "How was that? I know I'm partial to pictures where the girl lets it get on her face."

Dale sits panting as he recovers for a moment, then just shakes his head and grins, "That was absolutely fantastic. Wouldn't change a thing."

"Great, good. Yeah, me neither." Harry rubs the back of his neck, "But, uh, in a few minutes I could probably... How 'bout another round?"

"Harry, you read my mind!"

***

Hawk and Andy pull up outside the Bookhouse, after waiting nearly three hours at the station for Agent Cooper to return or report in. As they step out onto the gravel, the windows of the Bookhouse glow with an intense blue light and then go dark. Hawk motions for Andy to cover the front door while he goes around to the side.

Hawk bursts through the side door to find a completely drenched, completely empty building.


End file.
